Anatomy of a Mistake

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I made a mistake.

And mistakes are painful.

On the bright side we are often told about how it makes us stronger, wiser, and a better person after it all.

“ We should not regret mistakes. We must learn from them.” 

- Roman Bautista

“ Forget the mistake, remember the lesson.” - Anonymous

Sure, sure. But that doesn’t take away the heart wrenching guilt, self-hating emotions and depression that comes before all the life changing lessons that we are supposed to learn from them. It’s even worst when the mistakes costs you things you hold dear. Relationships, money, a career, or something as simple as time.

I made a mistake.

The kind of mistake that leaves you feeling helpless. Knocking your head against the wall asking repeatedly on why you were even stupid enough to have committed such a mistake.

The kind of mistake that looms over the back of your shoulder like a shadowy figure that you can’t ignore.

The kind of mistake that keeps you awake at night wondering if it is possible for you to turn back time even for just a couple of minutes.

Wondering why must we feel the way we feel over these things that are so natural and life occurring in every day life. Why must we be left merciless to our own judgement when we already know that it’s not the end of the world and things will get better eventually. How can such a thing effect us so greatly when truth be told it’s just temporary.

 So then I contemplate.

Perhaps that is the nature of a mistake. If it doesn’t make you feel upset, can it even be considered a mistake then? Perhaps then it would  just be a happy accident instead. In the end we claw through these emotions and find the will to get back up again, even though deep inside we still might feel ashamed. Thus the idea of learning from it and the function of the mistake has been served.

“ Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.” - Benjamin Franklin

Sure, sure. It takes a whole lot of bravery to be able to live with a mistake that we’ve made. It takes even more to forgive ourselves for making it in the first place.

“ Mistakes are always forgivable. If one has the courage to admit them.” - Bruce Lee

I made a mistake. 

And it’s been three days. I have neither the courage or courtesy to forgive myself yet, but as these quotes suggest I know I eventually will. 

For now just know that I’ve made a mistake. 

But it’s completely okay.