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The Decision Dilemma

sesungguhnya realiti itu tidak indah;

Photo by Dick Thomas Johnson
I think what stood out the most during the first year of my degree in Japan was everyone's bright hair colors.  Most girls would go blonde, or different shades of gold and brown mixed together. One of the boys in my class had red hair in the beginning of the year, green during mid term, and yellow once the semester was over! Yet here we all sit now, listening to a lecture on scoring jobs, suited up with solemn faces and everyone's head, all black. (with the exception of my floral printed hijab of course)
I found myself a bit confused amongst my  friends. Or maybe just a bit jealous. So sure of themselves, going for this interview here, going for that interview there. Attending lectures on becoming public servants and preparing for the exams. Those who are still having a tint of highlight in their hair will be continuing with their masters instead. While I sit here and think if I have anymore sambal left to make nasi lemak for lunch today, my classmates are busy determining the make or break of their lives. 
     I don't know why but I always remembered graduating to be the biggest event in my life (actually number two after getting married). Because of that, I don't really think about what comes after. Sure, you get a job, but jobs go on forever, then you get married, and most probably that's it. I do understand their need for securing a good job. All of us do, but they do it in such a fashion that scares me more than it excites me.
   I've had friends who turned their part time jobs into permanent ones. Managers of karaokes, waitresses, or even clean up crews. Any job is better than no job, which is so different from where I grew up where its no job over menial job. 
    They are usually surprised when I tell them that I haven't made up my mind yet. to go home, to stay here, to study here or study back at home. One of my best friends handed me an empty cover letter and said it still wasn't too late to start applying. She was out of words when I said that I would think about it later. We sometimes forget that while they are the developed ones, they lack choice, yet we for some reason have plenty. No fear of surviving on our own as we lean on the hopes of someone throwing a rope into the pit for us to climb out. It has to be the right rope though, not some flimsy cheap breakable thread.

They say that beggars can't be choosers, yet I wonder why I'm still trying to decide. 



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1992; Part time writer, full time dreamer. A person who writes for comfort and is learning how to become a kungfu master

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