On Turning 30

sesungguhnya realiti itu tidak indah;

It has been two months since my 30th birthday has come and passed. And, like most mainstream culture portrayals of turning "the Big 3", (cue in Joey screaming)  I was ready for some kind of.... something. Because let's face it, in every movie or sitcom, the protagonist always ends up freaking out, or goes on an adventure, or finally finds meaning in life, or whatever. All I knew was I had to expect something.

So when my 30th birthday came and went and everything was surprisingly calm and lovely (alhamdullilah),  it made me sit up. It made me wonder if I was doing something wrong, or living too comfortably, or even worst, set a bar so low for myself that leaving my twenties behind didn't feel like such a big deal. Because if anything, the media has conditioned us into thinking that we are supposed to have it all figured out by thirty, and if you haven't then you have failed.  

"I got married at 23"
"Had my firstborn at 25"
"Bought this house when I was only 27"

I'll admit it was daunting at first. I remember scrolling through Instagram watching people proceed in life as scheduled while I was in my late twenties, still in school studying whereas everyone else already had jobs, and buying cars, even doing taxes (lol). Like Sophie in HIMYF, I felt like everyone around me has moved on into adulthood. In fact no one would take me seriously because for most of that time I was just a student.

People don't realize it but this pressure to do everything (and maybe anything significant) before turning what is essentially just another number is dangerous and can be detrimental for the later years. Especially if you end up with bad company. 

I was so dead set on getting ahead that during my degree, all I wanted to do was get married. I had no other ambition. Because getting married was THE AMBITION. Getting married was the ultimate milestone. Especially if you are a woman. Once I get married, then everything else would come after right? We would have a baby, then we would buy the house, then the circle of life goes on blahblablah and they lived happily ever after!

Congratulations! You have made it in life by Social Media standards!

It took several heartbreaks for me to really realize my worth and just how stupid we are sometimes as humans. Easily falling prey to this assumed scheduled timeline which only exists in our heads. And I guess in a way this realization came to me in time because it didn't take me long to understand that the reason my thirtieth birthday was absent of panic or anxiety was because;

 I was actually happy to be moving on to the next phase of life. 

No, I did not set the bar too low for myself; it's simply that I've spent my entire twenties dedicating myself to the pursuit of knowledge. Now that it is done and dusted I can finally start my life back home, surrounded by people I love. Doing what I've always wanted to do. I can spend time with my parents, attend occasions that I usually miss out on and just live my life.

So yes, I am happy to turn 30.

Alhamdullilah, I'm happily married.

No I don't have kids. But I do have my PhD (which I treat as my baby so it kinda counts)  

I have a mortgage and a car loan. 

Bills I need to pay.

People to support and look after.

No, I don't have everything figured out yet. 

But that's okay.

 Life is not a race and 30 is not the finish line.

It is marathon that goes on and on. 

There is a scene in The Queen's Gambit just after Beth beats 14 year old Georgi Gotev. She asks him what he would do after becoming world champion at 16. Surprisingly for a gifted chess player he couldn't seem to  answer. 

People often forget that things only have meaning because; 

we are the ones who assign meaning to them.

There is life and meaning beyond our assigned numbers; 

as long as we choose to give it to them.

If you are by any chance turning thirty this year,  regardless of what point in life you may be in,

 I wish you the happiest of birthdays.

Even if life is not how you expected it to be right now, 

I hope you have comfort in knowing that most of us who have reached this milestone;

still don't know what we're doing anyway.